Sunday, July 29, 2012

A Bad Case of Magpie

          Okay, so I got an iPhone.
          I know I'm not the last person on earth to get a smartphone. There are unelectrified villages in Africa none of whose inhabitants have a smartphone.
          So it's not like I'm officially a Luddite. But I do play one on TV.
          All I really wanted was a phone that had a keyboard, so I could text people, and also it had to work globally, because K wants to be able to find me in fewer than three days when I wander off and get lost in the vast expanses of the Louvre.
          And I had all that with AT&T. Except whenever I'd call them with a cell-phone-related matter, they'd treat me like a deadbeat who was never going to pay them ever in my life after stealing all their valuable minutes from them. When I finally pointed out that I'd been an AT&T customer since I was in college, which was longer than the person I was talking to had been alive, and had a long history with them of Not Actually Being a Deadbeat, she said, "Oh, the land-line stuff is not part of us." And then continued to treat me like a deadbeat.
          Hello, Verizon. Goodbye AT&T. And since everyone I know and love has an iPhone, I caved to the peer pressure, and rashly told the nice Verizon sales rep to iPhone me.
          How do I love thee, iPhone? Let me google the ways.
          Because at last count, I whip out my iPhone and google something roughly a bazillion times a week. (Granted, at least a quarter of a bazillion of those googles are for the definition of "eschatological," which apparently I am doomed to go to my grave not being able to remember for more than a day and a half at a time.)
          I am a magpie. I cannot resist any bright shiny piece of information. The population of Brooklyn!* The length of a Martian year! Montague Summers! Hierophany! Fleurop! Auto da fe! Nou Goth Sonne Under Wod!
          They all sparkle seductively at me and so I google them like a magpie picks up bits of tinfoil and mica, so I can store them away and on dark days admire their pretty gleam.
          I had no idea I had been missing so much lovely information. I adore you, iPhone.

Magpie looking for shiny things.

*More controversial, it turns out, than you'd think.

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