Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Vintage Clothing: Diabolical? or Simply Regrettable?

          I'm giving a shout-out today to my hairdressing goddess, Kassey, who originally directed me to this story while I was conducting a fruitless search for the fourth needle in a set of double-pointed knitting needles my grandfather made for my grandmother.

          It seems that, in addition to fiendish handknits, Satan has a weakness for vintage fashion. Or at least that's the conclusion I came to after viewing this video:

          Pat answers a question from a listener who buys a lot of her clothing at resale shops, like Goodwill. The listener's mother warned her there could be DEMONS!!!!!!!! in those fabulously retro high-waisted jeans, and advised her daughter to pray over the clothes,* bless them, and bind familiar spirits before bringing them into the house. The listener wants to know if demons really can attach themselves to material items.

          Now, in the interest of scrupulous fairness, Robertson does say that he doesn't believe every item of second-hand clothing is infested by demons and requires spiritual fumigation before being worn. BUT—also in the interest of scrupulous fairness—his reply doesn't commence, "Hahahahaha, listener. Your mom is such a kidder." No, instead his reply starts with an urban legend about a cursed ring** and goes on to say that demons live in inanimate objects***.

          An urban legend, dear readers. About a cursed ring—one of your standard folk and literary motifs. Robertson tells his listeners a story that has been told and retold in tales and stories over the ages, a story whose facts cannot be verified independently, and expects they will accept that as proof that DEMONS ARE EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! EVEN IN MY VINTAGE POLYESTER DISCO SHIRT!!!!!!!****

          Well, I am here to reassure you that the devil may be in the details, but he and his minions are not lurking in that classic mint-green leisure suit you got for 75 cents at the Salvation Army Thrift Store last week.

          No, they're still busy hiding Grandma's blankety-blank knitting needles.

*I used to do this regularly in high school, but not even prayer could turn my hideous fashion choices into what the cool kids were wearing. (In my defense, I was also handicapped by having to live in the 70s, a fashion disaster of a decade.)

**A cursed ring, as you will remember, is one of the Deathly Hallows in Harry Potter. A cursed ring also has a role in Lord of the Rings. Which are fictional works. Not that a Man of God would ever read Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. No sir! Because demons can infest words, too.

***Full disclosure: K just revealed that he has owned a couple of sweaters that he was sure were demon-possessed. Unfortunately they are long gone, and even if he still had them, we don't possess a Ouija board to call the demons out with, so there is no way to verify his claim. (Also: K has been known to pull my leg.)

****Actually, I could be convinced that there are demons lurking in disco shirts. But only the Lesser Imps of Bad Taste.

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