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My house, 7:45 am.
The big dog (standing at the living room window): BELLOW!!!!!! (The Terrorist Alert Level has just been raised to RED!!!!!)
The small dog (running up behind him and hurling herself at the window): ROOOO-ooo-ark! Barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (OMG!TerroristsFanaticsVisigothsHunsInsurgentsReallyBadPeople
InvadersAnarchistsAliensMonstersAssassinsExtremists!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Me (coming into the living room to see if I need to call the police): It's children, you idiots! Walking to school! Stand down!
The big dog: Rumblerumblerumble. (They looked like terrorists.)
The little dog: BarkBarkBark!!!! (Assassins, I tell you!!!!)
My house, 11 am.
The big dog (standing at the living room window): BELLOW!!!!!! BARK! BARK! (Perimeter breach!!!!!! All hands on deck! Man your battle stations!)
The small dog
(running up behind him and hurling herself at the window): Barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (SocialistsPiratesFascists
KnavesCriminalsMiscreantsPoliticiansPollstersRoguesHereticsInfidels
VillainsHobos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Me (to the big dog): It's the mail carrier. Who comes here SIX DAYS A WEEK. This is not a perimeter breach.
The big dog: Rumblerumblerumble. (It was definitely a perimeter breach.)
Me (to the little dog): Hobos, Casey? Seriously?
The little dog: BarkBarkBarkBarkBarkBark!!!! (Hobos! Smelly nasty pus-covered drooling hobos! With fangs!!!!)Me: Stand down, crazy dog.
My house, afternoons.
The big dog (standing at the living room window): BELLOW!!!!!! BARK! BARK! (Security Threat!!!!!! Call 911!)
The small dog
(running up behind him and hurling herself at the window):ROOOO-ooo-ark! Barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (OMG!HeathensPagansScoundrelsVandalsDesperadosMafiosiHoodlums
VeterinariansVikingsMaraudersResurrectionMen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Me (to the big dog): That's your neighbor. Walking his dog. This is not a security threat.
The big dog: Rumblerumblerumble. (It was clearly a security threat. That dog is a terrorist.)
The small dog: BarkBarkBark!!!! (A terrorist! Yes! With fangs!)Me: Why don't you go chase some squirrels?
The small dog: Barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark
barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Squirrels! YesYesYesYesYesYesSquirrelsYesYesYesYesYesYesYes
Squirrels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Me: Sigh.
You've covered it nicely.
ReplyDeleteMine have separate barks for "I'll pretend what's passing by is scary." and "You really need to come see this." If it is truly important, my herder will come and get me.
Beanie earned himself an extra cookie recently when he not only came to get me, but stood on his hind legs whining frantically. What I found was a stranger in the middle of the yard, looking over Ron's trailer. The Bean does a good job caring for his herd.